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Much later, I awoke, on my own bed, still fully dressed including boots and overcoat, and with my hat looking filthy and crumpled on the floor beside me. I was still alive, at least, although I was not yet fully convinced of this fact. I clambered to my feet and staggered to the kitchenette. I was parched with a thirst so terrible that I unhesitatingly drank a glass of lower realms tap-water, on the grounds that it couldn't possibly make my stomach feel any worse. Then I fumbled around in the further recesses of the kitchenette for tea-towel and ice-cubes, then returned to the bed to clutch the resulting ice-pack to my head for twenty minutes, until I could feel the swelling begin to subside, or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. Finally, a sense of life began to return to my head and and my brain. I took a long hot shower and changed into fresh clothes, then bundled my suit and overcoat into a bag, placing my disgracefully stained hat on the top. I made coffee, the poisonously strong variety that I habitually concoct first thing in the morning which seemed somehow decadent at this early afternoon hour. I visited a little place on the corner of the block that a human might think of as a Dry Cleaners. In truth, it was a magical cleaners, capable of removing dirt and stains from any garment with a one-hour turnaround, although they did charge a premium for swift service and especially soiled garments. While I was waiting for my coat, I decided to call in at my favourite diner, conveniently sited on the opposite corner at the intersection. David, the rotund and avuncular patron, recognised me immediately and bustled up, then hesitated for a moment when he saw exactly what kind of state I was in. He swiftly ushered me to a table where I was presented within seconds with a glass of a thick and suspiciously glutinous liquid that the proprietor insisted was an old-fashioned tonic. I should drink it all in one go, he advised, down the hatch. It tasted, well, just a little less revolting than I expected. The more identifiable substances in the preparation included eggs, chilli sauce and vodka. Heaven knows what else was in there somewhere. I sat with my head in my hands for a few minutes while the potion did its work, which it did with surprising efficacy. To my astonishment, I started feeling hungry, even ravenous. I looked up to see David watching me. "Feeling better?" he asked as he approached smiling faintly. "Much," I confirmed, "And damn hungry too. I could eat a horse." The patron whipped a notepad and pencil from his apron pocket. "Horse steak and fries coming right up," he said, scribbling quickly, "All the trimmings."
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Part 34